Hiccups Happen

January is considered prime time for setting goals and jumpstarting life. Why not June?

The year has not gone as planned, but that’s okay. That happens. I adjust. It does mean that most (if not all) of my resolutions for 2015 are flopping around on the dock like a fish. There are good weeks and there are bad weeks. Today I’m hoping to start a good week, even if there are some hiccups. Because hiccups happen.

It’s time to review my goals for this year, and to make changes.

1. Lose 20 pounds. Yeah, this SO hasn’t happened. I’ve been running regularly, but not doing the things I should be doing in partnership with that to lose the weight. I haven’t shed a pound. Or if I did, it quickly hightailed it back to my tummy. No, I’m not pregnant. I’m just fat. I still drink too much booze, my eating habits are inconsistent, and I hardly ever stretch. Changeable.
2. Sew 1 item every month. Well, I’ve sewn two things in 5 months. I have a pattern for a tank top laying on the dining room table, and it taunts me every time I enter the front door. The fabric is washed and ready. The thread is purchased. I will make time to finish that before vacation, because I think it will be great for vacation. Changeable.
3. Be a writer. I haven’t made time for this. I have other life/work goals now, too. I need to make time for both of those things, and treat it like a job. Treat writing like a job, and treat job hunting like a job, because they are. I do have some minor successes in this arena, and it feels like a huge deal, even if it’s a very small and tiny part of the whole. Changeable, and making small steps.
1. I talk about writing
2. I gave a draft of my book to a friend to read
4.  Adventure time! I so don’t feel like adventure girl. We haven’t done a single hike. Maybe a few walks. It’s been a rough year on my husband, but that’s a poor excuse for why I haven’t gone on adventures. This is perhaps the most challenging goal for me, since it necessitates some schedule coordinating. Possibly changeable.
5. Cook with love. I feel like I’ve been doing pretty well with this one! I’m trying to keep things fresh and creative, and balancing healthy with treats. Life is hard. Some success! Will have more!
6. Be nice. This one is so, so hard. It’s more of a challenge than a goal, I think. I am trying to think about what I say, and how I say it. I am trying to be gentle with myself. Forgiving. Continue changing.

There are victories, and further opportunities for growth, but aren’t there always? I need to visit this space more often. I do make things, and I am working on making this life. I want to talk about it.

What I’m making this week:

1. Plans for moving forward with the year’s goals.
2. Time to work.
3.  Moves in the garden. Plenty of fresh lettuce for a while!

Cheers!

A New Year, Fresh Expectations. Kind of.

He told me it'll get easier.

There were goals in the past that I set and achieved. Unfortunately with some of them I then stumbled all the way back to where I started.

Not everything has gone that way, so I'm going to celebrate my success stories first:

• I’m still plodding away at my writing. This year I am going to step up my game, and that means more blogging! I have set some clear and measurable goals that will keep me moving forward. 
• In 2013 one of my goals was to get married, and I still am. Go us!
• In 2014 I decided to run a half marathon, and I did. WooHoo! But then the running thing kind of… I wouldn’t say petered out, exactly. I plodded along without as much motivation, or a clear goal in mind. By the end of the year it was kind of a train wreck. Not just the running, but my body, too.

Which brings me to what feels like my greatest failure. A little over a year ago, on Dec. 12, 2013, I wrote about how proud I was that I had lost 15 to 20 pounds. I felt great, and I guess I looked pretty good. A year later? I have put 20 pounds on. This morning I weighed in at 188 lbs., and frankly I’m appalled.

Fresh mud on these tires!

How the hell did this happen???

The running tapered down. I stopped “shredding” with Jillian Michaels. Alcohol. Butter. Potato chips. Bacon. Sheer laziness.

I was discussing it with a friend the other day, who is dealing with some of the same issues, and she said that she’d heard that sometimes marriage will do that to you. You get your man, you look good in the dress, you let it all go.

There is truth in that, but I don’t feel like I’m that woman. I just feel bad in my body. It doesn’t feel good. I know I’m getting older, but I want it to keep doing things!

So come on, self. Let’s get back to the good stuff.

What am I making this week?

• Plans for the year.
• Dinner, with love!
• Changes to my life. I’m trying to change the way I work every day, and plan every week.
• Better habits to enrich my life.

I made that happen

Sometimes it's the little things, and sometimes it's the big things.

 Running started as a little thing for me. Lace up some shoes and lumber up on the treadmill. Watch television shows my husband does not necessarily want to watch with me. Give it a go for 30 or 45 minutes. Call it good. This little routine got stale, and I decided it was time to push my boundaries. Lace up some shoes, listen to music, and go outside if the temperature is above 50 degrees. Otherwise, it's back on the treadmill. Outside, run most of a three mile loop at the nearest park. Call it good. I decided then it was time to lose weight and get a little healthier. And that right there is a little sentence with lots of weight behind it. Pun not intended.

In 2009 I was laid off from the bookstore chain where I spent almost 12 years of my life making a living. I went from being stressed about the work I was doing or not doing, to being dumbstruck and worried about what I was going to do to support myself. Suddenly I was also a lot more sedentary. Despite popular misconceptions, working in a bookstore does not mean you sit and read all day. I spent most of every day on my feet helping customers and shelving books and making espresso and running from one end of the store to the other all day long. To go from that to...not is a shock to the system. And my system rebelled. It should come as no surprise that I put on weight. In what seemed to be the blink of an eye I was 20 pounds heavier than I had ever been, and my weight had been a steady 165 since college.

A few years down the road, and my fiance was told he needed to get healthier by his doctor. Ever the supportive wife-to-be, I jumped on the board, and that's when my running got serious. I toughened up. I determined to lose "a few pounds" and get healthier. Those are pretty generic goals, and I jogged across them with mediocre results.

Sigh.

 2013 came, and I determined that I was going to make real changes to my life. I set three goals: Get married, Focus on writing, and Run a 10K. And miraculously, I succeeded. I'm married. I left my bookstore job voluntarily to be a housewife and devote real time to my writing, and I ran THREE 10Ks. I was awesome sauce. Oh, and yeah--I also lost 15 pounds. And people noticed. So that was nice.

Look at me go!

I decided I need to step up my game for 2014, and I set one clear goal to help me do that: Run a half marathon. A year before, that goal was so far beyond my ken. Why would anybody willingly put their body through that? 13.1 miles is so far. After proving to myself that I could set a goal and accomplish it the previous year--not just once but three times--it occurred to me that maybe I could run a half marathon, and maybe I wanted to run a half marathon. I signed up for the Corvallis Half Marathon last fall, and in December I decided to get serious about training. I picked up a free training program on the RunKeeper app on my phone and I set out to do it. Amazing things followed, and I ran further than I thought I could or ever would. In March I ran 105.7 miles.

Still standing!

On April 13, I ran the Corvallis Half Marathon. I determined that I would not walk at all; I had to run the whole thing. I set a time goal for myself.

I met each of those goals. I finished. I'm a winner. And I am proud. And my husband is proud. And that is an amazing feeling. And there is something important to realize beyond just finishing the race: I can set a goal, I can follow a plan, and I can achieve. I can make it happen.

Why is this really important? It's the writing thing. I believe writing is my place in this world. I like it, I'm good at it, but since it is an art, it's also vague and hard to achieve something in that sphere. But hell, I can run a half marathon. You think there's anything I can't do? Just watch. I'm making a life, and I'm going to make it happen.

Made of awesome.

A Pamela Looks at 40

It happened: I turned over a new decade in this humble life I lead.

I embraced it. I think birthdays are wonderful things, and a reason to celebrate. I completed another full revolution in this world, and that is amazing. Every year we have on this world is a gift, and should be celebrated joyfully.

My birthday itself was a relaxed and wonderful day. I stayed in bed late. I had the day off from making lunch and coffee, so I lingered and read blogs on. And then I went for a run: 4.25 miles for 40 years. That’s not so bad! After my birthday run, I relaxed in the bath and read a cheesy book. Then I headed out to get some coffee and breakfast, and treated myself to a pedicure.

The pedicure was experience was…interesting. The “massage chair” got a little too…intimate. I felt violated, I confess. I think you should warn someone before you unleash a chair on them that takes such liberties! The little guy who did my pedicure had unattractive nails himself. And he took my shoes away to the front of the store, leaving me in the chair farthest away from the door. Excuse me? You don’t expect me to walk over there barefoot, do you? I could see hair on the floor. Ew.  My shoes were returned to me, and the day continued. Thankfully. At least my toes turned out nicely! And such a bright, luscious hot pink.

What’s a girl to do next with an entire afternoon sprawled out in front of her? Go shopping of course! Mostly it was browsing, but it came with some success. I found a couple of books at the Goodwill, and I found a bookcase I like at Wood Castle furniture. And M said yes to the bookcase. Woot! Now I just need to order it/them. It/They will be just the thing for my cookbook collection! And then I just poked around Corvallis Furniture because I had been curious for a while. And they actually have some cool stuff in there.

Then I finally returned home. I made some popcorn, poured a cocktail, and settled in to watch a girly movie. And then some Project Runway. On the BIG TV. Not a bad afternoon!

And then my love came home with pizza. And I had wine and pizza, and settled in for cheesy television with my honey. He even dashed out on his lunch break to get a little cake from the French bakery that we enjoyed together. And he put candles on it and kind of sang to me. It was sweet and it was lovely.

And then the fun continued on Saturday. I had my first ever real birthday party with friends and drinks and snacks and an AMAZING cake. We played Cards Against Humanity, which was…enlightening. It was a mixed group of my Grooties and M’s friends from college, but it worked. I had fun, and everyone else seemed to have fun, too.

I am here another year. Cheers!

I am making a life.I am not making a living.

I aspire to making a life. I made a living for myself for years, and I wasn’t necessarily happy about it. That’s life, though, right? What we’re here for? Do your job, love it or hate it, pay your bills, acquire stuff, go places, die. What about those dreams we had when we were children?

I have a job. My job is to write every day. To get that book written. My job is to take care of my husband, which sounds so archaic and anti-feminist, but if I get to opt out of making a living, then gosh darn it I’m going to make his living better. I cook and clean and launder and garden and shop and take care of household things. I tell him when he needs more socks and make his eye doctor appointment. It feels a little silly, but I don’t take this lightly. Or, more to the point, I’m learning not to take it lightly.

I’m working on setting a work day for myself. Typically it looks something like this:

• ·         Wake up. Lie in bed reading phone until 7:30 or 8 a.m.
• ·         Get up and shuffle downstairs to make coffee and husband’s lunch. Maybe I’ll have some breakfast.
• ·         If it’s a running day, I run.
• ·         RWE: Read/Write/Edit.
• ·         Lunch.
• ·         Housework.
• ·         Relax: read blogs or read.
• ·         Make dinner.
• ·         Spend the evening with my husband, which may or may not include knitting while we watch television.

Yes, I work weekends. I still slack off sometimes, and I know it's going to happen. Some days I will spend far too much time reading. Some days I go on a field trip. Some days I’m sucked into the internet. These things happen, but I keep on shuffling.

Weekends? I want to work on more craft projects on the weekends. Sewing! Knitting! Crocheting! Stuff! Listen to podcasts! It’s a great thing to be learning and doing. It feeds my brain and I feel less stupid than if I just sit in front of the TV all day.

So I’m starting a blog. Blog about writing and housewifery and running and making and reading. These are the things I do every day. I want to keep it positive. I want to focus on making a happy life.

This is my life.